Fine Arts Award
The 'Fine Arts' award goes to Deputy President of DISY, Efthymios Diplaros, for his decisive interventions in art matters. During the Gavriel exhibition, Mr Diplaros demonstrated his knowledge “like an unseasoned tin” of religious painting.
He began by fussing as a moralist over a fake painting and went so far as to call for the closure of a gallery exhibition. Supporters, however, are delighted: in May, he leaves parliament, allowing him to devote himself entirely to his true interests - matters of order and morality. We are certain he will be remembered as “Enthymios Diplaros”: the politician who never took on corruption or bureaucracy, but did wage war on paintings - and won.
Firefighter of the Year
This award is shared by Agriculture Minister Maria Panayiotou and former Justice Minister Marios Hartsiotis for their coordination in tackling last summer’s massive fire in the wine villages. The destructive blaze in July 2025 in Limassol’s wine villages burned an estimated 100–125 square kilometres, severely affecting vineyards and destroying grasslands and sclerophyllous vegetation.
The award might also have gone to the General Fire Coordinator, namely the Director General of the Ministry of Agriculture - but he was away on a trip to Australia.
Christian Taliban 2025
The title goes unanimously to the immovable, God-ordained President of ELAM, Christos Christou. Over the past year, he emerged as a defender of our holy faith in two ways.
First, as a “cathedral commissioner” at the Tamasos Metropolis, he spent nights counting the contents of the hidden safes of former monastery abbot Nektarios, tallying hundreds of thousands of euros collected by Nektarios through the production of fake Holy Myrrh, used for patient treatments.
Second, as an art critic, he fought to remove the Gavriel exhibition from a gallery in Paphos, claiming it offended his sacred values. Known for wielding a stick against immigrants, the ELAM leader lives by the triad “country – religion – family.”
Honorary Foreign Minister Award 2025
Awarded to Nikos Christodoulides following a unanimous vote (80–0) overseen by Ms Karsera. Diplomats recognised the “flying” Christodoulides for his tireless efforts to travel the globe in his legendary little plane, improving Cyprus’s diplomatic relations and seeking support for the liberation of our occupied homeland.
Of course, some domestic issues lagged behind due to his constant travel but who cares if in 2026 we run out of electricity and water, when Cyprus radiates such external grandeur? The frequent flyer miles will pay off after his official service ends in 2028.
Rising Politician Award
Goes to Odysseas Michaelides for his tireless efforts to establish himself as a party leader. After years in the public sector working safely behind the scenes, he has dived into party politics, gathering support to secure a parliamentary seat and, depending on vote share, perhaps more.
Surpass 10% of the vote, and he may even enter the presidential race, his long-standing goal. Fall short, and he will remain another leader of a state-subsidised party, scrutinised yearly by Auditor-General Andreas Papaconstantinou for how he spends government funding.
Archivist Award 2025
Awarded to Anna Aristotelous, aka “Mama Anna,” for her meticulous organisation of thousands of documents from the Police, Ministry of Justice, and Central Prisons at the chief prison officer’s home in late 2022.
Other prison officers and staff also participated, earning commemorative plaques for their professional handling of thousands of files, some of which were highly confidential.
Judas Iscariot Award
Goes to a former senior official of the Audit Office and close collaborator of former Auditor-GeneralAndreas Hasapopoulos, who betrayed his former boss. Hasapopoulos had been a founding member of Odysseas Michaelides’ ALMA party, but when he realised other leaders didn’t want him, he revealed Hasapopoulos’ actions - claiming the former Auditor-General secretly controlled a supportive website and issued orders for daily attacks and ridicule. Unlike Judas, he wasn’t motivated by silver; he acted more like a well-known Pontic artist.
Lost Investor Award
Shared by APOEL and Apollon football clubs, for investors promised to their fans who were never actually seen. Both clubs were close to leadership changes in the summer, yet investors vanished mid-process. No Brazilian investors, no Greg Gabriel at Apollon- despite the club vice-president’s frantic efforts. Will they appear in 2026? Probably not, leaving Prodromos Petrides and Nikos Kirzis searching for new partners. At least both clubs managed to change coaches.
Hot Air Award
Awarded to former Energy Minister George Papanastasiou. During his three-year tenure, no natural gas reached Cyprus. Instead, he repeatedly promised gas “any day now,” leaving the country with nothing but “bean gas” - a legume-based fuel said to be turbo-charged, transforming you into a speedboat when entering the sea.
Where Were You Last Year Award
Awarded to new EDEK leader Nikos Anastasiou, brought back from obscurity by Marinos Sizopoulosto lead Cyprus’ Socialists. Despite being honest and well-bred, he has yet to achieve his goal of reuniting staff either dismissed or who left independently. Perhaps they’ll return this year.
Additional 2025 Anti-Awards from ChatGPT
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“Everything Under Control” Award – Nikos Christodoulides: For the moments when everyone knew… nothing was really under control.
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“We’ll See Along the Way” Award – Ministry of Transport, Communications & Works: For projects permanently “in progress,” whether or not they actually progress.
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Institutional Embarrassment Award – House of Representatives: For discussions going off-track, losing focus, and resulting in… adjournments.
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“Independent but Confused” Award – Audit Office & Legal Service: For clear independence but lack of coordination.
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Traffic Endurance Award – Nicosia: If you survived driving in 2025, you deserve a medal.
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“It’s Europe’s Fault” Award – European Union (honoured in absentia): For all the things we decided ourselves but blamed elsewhere.